How to Deal With Toxic Relationships

As Christians we are called to love one another – that is the second greatest commandment in the law that Jesus gave, after loving God. But does loving people also mean that you put up with toxic relationships? How to deal with certain people who are constantly pulling you down, hurting you or influencing you negatively? The way you guard your heart in any relationship is by establishing boundaries.

Boundaries are good

When you know that there is someone in your life who is constantly negative and putting you down, or harassing you, for your peace sake, you need to set some healthy boundaries. First, in love, explain to them that their unkind or hurtful behaviour is not accepted. And, if they continue to behave in the same manner, that’s when you need to draw your boundaries. Boundaries are healthy and needed for a child of God. You see, even in the Garden of Eden, God set a boundary for Adam and Eve. He said except for the tree of knowledge of good and evil, you may eat of any tree in the garden.

Learn to let go

Remember not every relationship in life is meant to be! Sometimes it is better to let go of people, especially those who are toxic and keep attacking you. Look at God. He never forces Himself upon anyone. Instead He always gives us the freedom to choose and He still loves those who choose to walk away. I remember one time this sister was telling me about her relatives who were constantly offending her no matter how hard she tried to please them (for her family sake), until she decided to let go. And I told her that was the right thing to do because we are wasting our time when we are trying to keep everyone happy. No matter how much we try, we can’t please everyone.

Sow seeds of love, but…

When certain people are not open to receiving from you, you don’t need to go out of your way to reach out to them, instead draw your boundaries and trust the Holy Spirit to do a work in their lives. Sometimes you need to ask yourself: Is it my assignment to help a certain individual? Or you are just helping them because you feel bad about it and you don’t want to hurt them. Child of God, running after such relationships can drain you. Better is to draw boundaries, and remember: You can sow the seeds of love, but don’t try to become their Saviour! Jesus said in Matthew 10:14, And whoever will not receive you nor hear your words, when you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet. In other words when your guidance or instruction is not valued by someone, do you still keep running after such people? Learn to say “No” to people who are judgemental, sceptical and don’t value what you carry. Keep your boundaries intact and trust God all the way. Choose to focus on those whom He has placed in your life, who value what you carry. As you are faithful in this, God will place the right people in your life. Sometimes it is human nature to get drawn towards negative people because we want their appreciation and affirmation, but instead choose to focus on people who God has blessed you with. Similarly when it comes to theological differences, the Bible says in Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? That means when there is a constant difference in opinions or convictions in a friendship, it’s just a matter of time before you come into disagreement. Why do you want to still continue to stick around just for the sake of a relationship or friendship? Unless the other person humbles himself to listen to you and receive from you (which is very less likely), then it’s just a matter of time before you start getting influenced by them. Child of God, be secure in knowing who you are, and that you are valued, and your value does not come from relationships around you or even your ministry, but from the Lord.